Let the mockery commence…

Yes, I was one of the hapless souls who purchased an iPhone 4 on launch day.

[I’m not an Apple fanboy, I swear! My secondhand iPhone 3G was the first Apple product I’ve ever owned, and I really liked it! That, combined with the fact my entire (long distance) family is on AT&T, made it pretty hard to justify jumping ship to Verizon, even if their 3G service is probably better.]

Little did I know that Big Stevie JJ had been attempting to hide a massive design flaw in this beautiful piece of industrial minimalism.

That’s right, you’ve heard about it… I’m talking about “THE GRIP OF DEATH!”

Overblown… but only barely

Let me start off by saying that yes, I have seen my service go from full bars to 1 bar by simply putting my finger on the “danger zone” (over a period of 2 minutes).  Also, I’ve been on a semi-long call with my little sister, had the call drop, and then look down to notice that “I was holding it wrong.”

So there’s a fair chance that “The Grip of Death” did indeed cause me to drop a call.  As an engineer, I am sad to say that I have often seen the primary goals of a project (i.e. TO BE A GOOD PHONE) be neglected or compromised for the sake of other, “flashier” goals.  The aesthetics of the iPhone 4 are straight-up baller, if you ask me… but I would much rather have a phone that increases the quality of my paid cellular service, not decreases it.

[HOWEVER, I would like to say for the record that AT&T has always sucked in Florida, and I have always had my calls drop whenever a conversation lasts more than 10 minutes.  In my personal opinion, voice quality in cell phones has been neglected for FAR TOO LONG, and dropped calls are a symptom of that neglect.  Again, the only reason I remain with AT&T is because I’m stingy with my money…]

But Wait, There’s More

Thought you were getting off easy, Apple? Think again, SUCKA!

When compared to the Android operating system, the iPhone OS (iOS) is ridiculously un-customizable.  The fact that I can only choose between 6 different SMS alert tones is UNACCEPTABLE!! DO YOU HEAR ME APPLE? UNACCEPTABLE!!

Oh sure, Apple “gave us” the ability to multitask, and to set different backgrounds with the latest iOS, and those are all swell and great, but they’re not groundbreaking like Big Stevie JJ likes to pretend the iPhone is.

BUT I DIGRESS.  The real reason I’ve called you to my lair today is to tell you how I have FIXED THE SITUATION!  [Obama, I’ll be expecting the check in the mail.  Thanks.]

Step 1 : Duct Tape

Ok, not really duct tape.  But it’s the same idea…  Zagg, the company that makes the invisibleSHIELD line of protective films for electronics, created a special side cover for the iPhone 4 that “reportedly” solves the antenna issue.

I’m a big fan of the invisibleSHIELD products, so when I heard that Best Buy was giving these things out FO’ FREE to RewardZone members, I quickly jumped on board.  Despite a few websites disputing the claim that the antenna issue is solved with this “sticker”, for my own circumstances (read: fingers not-too-fat, also not-sweaty), the invisibleSHIELD got the job done.

Hooray! Now it’s a decent telephone! Now to fix the stupid OS…

Step 2: Who’s Your Daddy?

Thanks to a recent decision by the Library of Congress, it is now considered LEGAL to jailbreak your iPhone or other “locked down” device.  Ohhh snap!

Also, Apple made it hilariously easy to jailbreak after the 4.0.1 update, so I thought “eh, what the heck.”

Boy did I make the right choice.  :-D

Here’s my iPhone 4, pre-jailbreak.

And here’s my iPhone 4, post-jailbreak…

Look at that! A lock-screen that is actually USEFUL?  WHAAA?

And a TRON theme!  How can this get any awesome-r?

I’ll tell you how: CUSTOM SMS ALERT TONES, BITCHES!!

Moral of the story: If you have an iPhone 4, admit it’s faults, and jailbreak that shit, homie.